March 11, 2013

On [tummy aches and] Tying Up Loose Ends.

Downtown Springfield
The combination of the stress of moving 2,040 miles (22 days!), planning a wedding (61 days!), tying up loose ends at my job and training a new person, since I'm the only person to ever hold this position (11 days!), saying goodbye to a city I've lived in for seven years, and selling almost all of my possessions (including my car) is taking its toll on my body.

I don't presume you enjoy reading about sickness, but just to be real: I had a weird debilitating cold for over a week. Now I'm getting killer tummy aches and occasional headaches that I'm 99% sure are stress-induced.

I promise I'm not complaining. All of the above things are GOOD things. I'm SO excited to be getting married, moving back to my homestate, and starting a new chapter in life. But it's a lot. I thought three months would be plenty of time to get it all done. I think I was right, but it seems like most of the heavy-lifting takes place toward the end. I feel it.

Maybe this is why people are resisitant to change. It isn't the newness people are afraid of, it's all the in-between yucky stuff. The waiting, purging, sorting, packing, and goodbye-ing. Oh, the goodbyes.

The last time I had this big of a move, I was leaving for college. My emotions throughout the process were recorded on my Myspace blog, which is (thankfully) no longer on the internet. It is, however, safely saved in Word document files, because that stuff is pure teenage-angst-gold.

I remember being so sure I'd stay in contact with all of my favorite friends. We'd be pen pals, or at least write comments on each other's walls weekly. We'd all meet up in central parts of the country (Nebraska?) for reunions, where we'd all still be bestest of friends, and our new lives would be secondary to our connection to one another.

I was wrong. Sure, I'm still friends with a few people from high school, but it's different. It's not the same as living in close proximity with people. It's not the same as "Come over for dinner," or "Hold my kid." I don't want to make the same naive assumptions. I know I won't forever be as close to most of the people that have made Springfield home. Springfield has always been a transitional place, and I definitely didn't expect seven years.

I moved here three weeks after I turned 18, so essentially I "grew up" in this place. I hated it at first, because the midwest is weird and people are funny here: they talk to you in the grocery line, and they don't recycle. It was culture shock of the most extreme variety, but now part of me is one of them. And what if I don't fit in the Pacific Northwest anymore?

So, I'll love this season for what it's been. I'll be thankful for the people who've entered my world.
I'll be open to what is next, and all the relationships that entails. Life isn't meant to be comfortable, and people mean a lot more than the friendship they can offer me.


  1. "It isn't the newness people are afraid of, it's all the in-between yucky stuff." Nodding my head over and over again about this. I think it is true about any change - not just moving. Fear of the yucky stuff can hold us captive if we let it - but wow- the freedom that comes after that step (or two or three) of faith.

    1. Thanks, Amanda. I'm so glad that freedom is greater than fear!

    2. We must get together before you leave...we will maintain relationship once we both live in OR : ) I'm getting sad about painting my wall (over the beautiful marbeling my mom and I painted 10 years ago). Looking forward to my future in OR but really feeling the heart tug of leaving MO.

    3. Will you be in Springfield at all before March 26? When are you planning on moving to OR? Will you be there in time for the wedding??